Enlightenment Trap — A Poem

A poem to mark my 36th birthday. 

Enlightenment Trap

I arise with the fullness
of life in my chest.

36 marks a transformation.
Disembodied in my dream
I look over fragments of my old self
and sit peacefully in a larger version.

I am Awake to the blessings
all around me.

With these women
in these woods
my sensitivity is heightened.

We celebrate with a drink from
a freshwater spring —
and I’m more satisfied than
I ever could have been with a booze-filled celebration.

I feel infinite.

I want to share this feeling with everyone.

Yet as the day goes on
and I try to share this feeling,
it loses its luster.

And a reaction to a tense moment
with Ember
brings me right back down to my 4-year-old self.

I’ve heard of this phenomenon —
The enlightenment trap.

And I’m reminded that this is not
a linear journey,
where progress is above, below, ahead or behind.
Rather it’s a widening circle
that opens the potential
for new understanding and a larger capacity
for love.

Yet can spiral back to old habits in an instant.

Making the journey to enlightenment,
even more ripe with possibility.

– Mariah

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