2015-06-02

Creativity and the Burnout Factor

Everything Golden Blog

I’ve been feeling really, really burnt-out lately. I’ve been working like a dog and not seeing much payoff. Being a one-woman operation can be exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to live my dream, express my vision. I know in my heart that I’ve found my true path, now I worry that I can’t sustain it. Last night I had a dream I was a part of this amazing creative studio. The energy in the room was off the charts. There were people playing music, bringing the whole room to tears. There were visions for photo shoots that were out of this world. I woke up feeling inspired and then I read this poem by Patti Smith…

high on rebellion

what i feel when i’m playing guitar is completely cold and crazy. like i don’t owe nobody nothing and it’s a test just to see how far i can relax into the cold wave of a note. when everything hits just right (just and right) the note of nobility can go on forever. i never tire of the solitary E and i trust my guitar and don’t care about anything. sometimes i feel like i’ve broken through and i’m free and could dig into eternity riding the wave and realm of the E. sometimes it’s useless. here i am struggling and filled with dread—afraid that i’ll never squeeze enough graphite from my damaged cranium to inspire or asphyxiate any eyes grazing like hungry cows across the stage or page. inside i’m just crazy. inside i must continue. i see her, my stiff muse, jutting about in the forest like a broken speeding statue. the colonial year is dead and the greeks too are finished. the face of alexander remains not solely due to sculpture but through the power and magnetism and foresight of alexander.

the artist preserves himself. maintains his swagger. is intoxicated by ritual as well as result. look at me i’m laughing. i am lapping S from the hard brown palm of the boxer. i trust my guitar. therefore we black out together. therefore i would wade thru scum for him and scum is ahead but we should laugh. ascending with the hollow mountain I am peaking. we are kneeling we are laughing we are radiating at last. this rebellion is a gas which we pass. – Patti Smith

This poem captures perfectly how I feel. It reminds me to enjoy the ritual and stop grasping too hard for the result. To surrender to the “scum” and laugh! To appreciate the ups and downs and enjoy the ride. Creativity comes from a fluid place, not a rigid one that is too concerned with the outcome. Thank you dream and Patti Smith for infusing me with hope!

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